Update

The few months have flown by. I commend people who are going through something personal and writing about it often. It appears that I just got swept under a huge wave and let it carry me. I have struggled greatly going through my mom's cancer and being her part-time caretaker. I've felt the whole gamut of human emotion; fear, sadness, loneliness, denial, guilt for not living closer to her...it's still surreal to think this is our life. She finished both radiation and chemo, so now it's one day at a time until her next PET scan. Sometimes it seems like new side effects keep popping up and we wonder out loud why none of the doctors told us about them. There are good moments too; she got her chemo port out, her hair is growing back, she is able to drive. My mom is stronger than she gives herself credit for. She braved an extremely intense treatment plan and managed to get through it without little to no side effects at first (sadly, they all came on at once when it was over). When she wants to, she can find the energy to cook, clean, walk around the house, do crossword puzzles like she's always enjoyed. When she doesn't, she wonders if she will ever be the same again. My first instinct is to always say "you will be better," but no one can predict that. It's challenging finding the balance between consoling her and urging her to live life to the fullest. The disease has changed her. It has changed all of us. What it hasn't changed is our tight, small unit and the love we have for each other. It is insurmountable.