Thursday, February 28, 2013

Gird Your Loins, Raise Your Standards

It's been a while since I've gotten on my soapbox so I figure now's as good a time as any. Over the past month or so, several of my girlfriends have been broken up with. It was like a domino effect, and definitely not in a good way. I made my rounds of support and began to learn the details. The more I learned, the angrier I got. One guy cheated on a friend after moving here to be with her from out of state. When she called him out on it, he said it was 'only one time.' She tried to work it out with him, and surprise, surprise...it wasn't just one time. A second friend had been dating a guy over a year and after blowing her off for about a month, he slowly decided "he had too much going on in his life" and "things weren't really working." Yet another friend was broken up over a text message. These are just some of the few in a long line of shocking, appalling, and "is this real life?" stories. And if you know me at all, you know that I have plenty of my very own. Time and time again, men behave badly for what appears to be no reason at all. There's a serious lack of respect, chivalry and common courtesy plaguing the majority of them here in America. And before you start spewing some bitter feminist bullshit at me, understand that I'm not bitter at all. I'm a firm believe in love and still a hopeful romantic. I know there are good men out there; I've met a number of them. I see many of my friends having settled down with them. The fact is, though, most of the eligible ones to choose from are Grade D IKEA horsemeat (google it). I could list the reasons why (and rip them a new one in the process)but I find that a huge waste of time because inevitably, I don't believe these men are going to change. They are single for a reason. I'm starting to realize the surest way to break the cycle is to listen to some no-nonsense advice I've been getting from my dad (THE greatest guy I know): raise your standards. With the help of Greg Bernhardt, I've elaborated on a few simple suggestions. 1. Don't go out with a man who doesn't ask you out first. This means he should call you. Fuck texting. No, not like sexting. Fuck texting. It's bullshit. He needs to pick up the phone. It takes a few minutes. It's what normal people do. 2. Don't go out with a guy who keeps you waiting by the phone. If a guy says he's going to call you and doesn't call...fuck him. He's not thinking about you enough to stay true to his word, and the last thing you want is to date a guy who can't stay true to his word. If he's going to disappoint you so quickly over something so minimal, imagine what he'll do with the more important things. 3. Don't date a guy who isn't sure if he wants to date you. He's hot, he's cold. He likes you, but how much does he like you? "I'm just not sure if I want a relationship right now." Oh, ok. But I have a feeling you're sure about me pulling my pants down, right? Not sure isn't good enough. You're amazing and there's nothing to be unsure of. 4. Don't date a guy who doesn't bring out the best in you. We've all seen her. The girl who became a shell of her former self because she molded into exactly what her boyfriend wanted her to be. It's sickening. The moment a guy makes you feel bad, ashamed, embarrassed or uncomfortable about anything pertaining to who you are as a person, you've gotta be out. You deserve someone who is going to adore you, even with your idiosyncrasies. 5. Don't date a guy who's afraid to talk about your future. If the time is right, you both have to be open enough to talk about "where things are going" without freaking the fuck out. 6. Don't date a guy who doesn't have any plans for the future. Oh hey, what's that? You're going quitting your job and going back to school but you haven't decided what you want to do yet? Next. 7. Don't date a guy who's unavailable. "I don't want a relationship" literally means "I don't want a relationship." It has often times been confused for "but I'm so great he'll change his mind for me" and the ever popular "if I sleep with him I bet he'll feel differently." False. Walk, no, run away now. 8. Don't date a guy who doesn't respect your boundaries. Girl, keep that chastity belt on as long as you can and you will see the real nature of the man you are dating. If there's any sign of impatience, discontent or sudden lack of interest in you, ding ding ding, you've got yourself a loser. 9. Don't date a guy who has already rejected you. If you don't have any dignity or self-respect, how can a guy have that for you? Also, if he didn't do the right things to keep you around the first time, why would you give someone like that a second chance? 10. Don't go out with a guy who doesn't get rave reviews from your friends right off the bat. Seriously. If you're friends are oddly quiet and don't really say much when you ask what they think about him, that's a telltale sign. They should be gushing about how great he is and how well he's treating you. They see you all the time and they know you the best, so that gives them the ability to sniff out the bad ones like rabid dogs. Fact. And now...to take my own advice.


  1. Amen... Love your blogs. Keep em coming!

  2. Girl...tell it! And can I just add the re-surfacer. Its kind of what I call your #3 but with this addition: He shows up he's into you, and for a few days, weeks or even months, he is super into you. Then he disappears. Some amount of time goes by, (weeks, months, sometimes even years) and then he's asking your mutual friends about you, sending you messages through them, or texting you directly. The cycle then repeats... and repeats. Run!!!