Thursday, July 5, 2012

My Life as an Alfred Hitchcock Movie

I'm walking by the lake with a friend, and she needs to go to the bathroom. God forbid she goes when we actually have access to a public facility. She decides to go when there are none around...in the bushes. She finds some and asks me to cover her. She's peeing, and I'm leaning over trying to shield her from the public. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT CLASSY BROADS DO. Everything is going smoothly until I feel three horrendously sharp jabs on my head. When I reach up to touch it, A BIRD FLIES OFF. That's right. A bird. The size of my hand. As I scream, I look to the left and see that it's now perched on one of the bushes. If that wasn't bad enough, about 12 of its friends/cousins/siblings are there too. So now I'm running away, with my friend at my side digging in her pants to get leaves out. "Did you fucking see that?" I ask. "No, what happened?" she pants, one hand in her underwear. Passerbys are now staring at us. "A bird just attacked me. Straight up just landed on my head and pecked at me." "Well it probably thought your head was a nest" she responds. "WELL CLEARLY. But did it break flesh?" She checks my head and thankfully there's no blood, but the fact remains that I was thisclose from starring in my very own version of Birds. And being pecked to death. I'm guessing this means I should probably start straightening my curly, nappy hair to avoid this happening again...but I just don't have that kind of time.

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